I feel as though I am constantly learning at the moment, and yet simultaneously am often left feeling like I don’t really know or understand much at all. This year has been full of surprises and difficulties; relationships have grown and changed. Some people have been there whenever I needed them whilst others have left me in no doubt that I am not as important to them as I may have once believed. Here are a few things I have discovered this year…
That really horrible things can happen to really lovely people. Also, that the opposite of this is true.
That wanting something is not enough to make it happen.
That wanting something really badly and not being able to make it happen is incredibly painful and frustrating.
That you cannot please everyone, no matter how hard you try.
That people you love can let you down, over and over again.
That family is not necessarily made up of relatives.
That the people who are there for you when it really matters are not always the people you think you can rely on.
That someone can reverse a vasectomy and make another baby before we can naturally conceive .
That being lied to and treated like an idiot is unacceptable and therefore must not be accepted.
That being loved is all I really want.
That I am not a fool.
That I can stand up for myself.
That I can cope, practically, though often struggle with my emotions.
That I am actually very sensitive and take things very personally.
That it is ok to be me.
I am learning all the time right now. There are things I need to sort through and get my head round and there are conversations I need to have. There are plans to be made and there are hugs to be had.
There are people who I am not sure have a significant place in my life anymore, which is a thought that floors me. But there are others who I know are there to help me climb through to the other side.
This is me.
Love me, accept me, support me, and I will be there for you, for always.