All about me, Social anxiety, Thoughts
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All the Things I Thought but Didn’t Say

In social anxiety

Words remain thoughts

More often than not.

Sometimes they are exactly the right words;

A well-timed anecdote 

A witty retort

An intelligent response 

All stranded in a chasm of fear

Unable to make themselves heard.

Often

As irony dictates

My mind is actually racing

Bursting with myriad thoughts

Yet none of them fit 

With what you just said.

Did I use the right fork?

Was it weird to look over there?

Do I look bored? 

Don’t look bored!

What the fuck did I miss while I was lost inside my own head?

Just laugh… just laugh!

You may mistake

The misplaced laughter

Or unanswered question 

As rudeness; 

Others have!

But don’t be fooled:

If I am struggling to keep up with a conversation 

Or fit in somewhere

It is most likely because I want to impress.

I’ve thought You look beautiful 

And What a lovely dress;

I know exactly what you mean

Or sometimes just hear this…

At times

Even thank you

Gets entirely stuck.

Thank you for not hating me

Mostly

I see how easy that could be.

I know social stuff should just come naturally;

That it shouldn’t be terrifying to speak.

But that’s exactly how it is

Every day.

So

To anyone who can see past

The strangeness

The inconvenience of it all:

Thank you for not judging;

Dare I say

Thanks for being a friend?

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