All posts filed under: All about me

Insecurity

Insecurity. A satisfying word; ten letters, five syllables. Easily spoken and digested. Its relatively small size belies the enormity of the feeling it describes. Because insecurity distorts everything, it is an unsettling filter through which to view life. It begins existence as a minute seed sewn by something as small as a throwaway comment by a trusted someone, perhaps. It grows, however, and quickly. It spreads and changes and fills up all the empty spaces inside your head and your heart, eventually cramping out other, infinitely more rational, feelings. Insecurity makes you doubt your reactions to everything. Not always immediately. Usually you will have already reacted, and almost certainly in a negative capacity. Then comes the sensible, though often entirely too late, afterglow that tells you, maybe, that you are not hated, or hateful, that *insert relevant occurrence here* was just a misunderstanding. Insecurity, in my experience, facilities the making of truly terrible decisions. Feeling unworthy of love, attention, happiness, essentially anything good, can inevitably lead to settling for less than ideal eventualities. Relationships are, …

Spot the Difference

I was doing some research into blog content ideas when I came across this one: Post a picture of your child next to one of yourself at the same age. Ask others to identify the resemblances And I thought, Great!  I can do that! So, here is a photograph of me at the age of 6 and a bit, holding my little sister Chloe (who is clearly thrilled about the whole thing): And here’s Sonny, my actual, biological son, at the same age: So yeah, if you’d like to have a go at “identifying the resemblances”, please feel free to comment below. Good luck! *goes back to the drawing board of blog post inspiration*

All the Things I Thought but Didn’t Say

In social anxiety Words remain thoughts More often than not. Sometimes they are exactly the right words; A well-timed anecdote  A witty retort An intelligent response  All stranded in a chasm of fear Unable to make themselves heard. Often As irony dictates My mind is actually racing Bursting with myriad thoughts Yet none of them fit  With what you just said. Did I use the right fork? Was it weird to look over there? Do I look bored?  Don’t look bored! What the fuck did I miss while I was lost inside my own head? Just laugh… just laugh! You may mistake The misplaced laughter Or unanswered question  As rudeness;  Others have! But don’t be fooled: If I am struggling to keep up with a conversation  Or fit in somewhere It is most likely because I want to impress. I’ve thought You look beautiful  And What a lovely dress; I know exactly what you mean Or sometimes just hear this… At times Even thank you Gets entirely stuck. Thank you for not hating me Mostly I …

30th birthday cake with sparklers

30 Before 30 – The Final Edit

I feel as though I should mark the impending 30th anniversary of my birth in spectacular style, though as yet have failed to find a suitably brilliant idea, so this list will have to do for now.  To kick off my 30th year having achieved (strong word for some of these activities) these things would be nice, if not life-changing.  I am generally pretty rubbish at ticking off stuff I want to do, but I’m determined to give this little lot my best shot.  Really, none of them should be terribly difficult; they’re basically what I wish it was acceptable for my New Year’s resolutions to be every year… Read 30 books recommended by other people Watch a West End show Have afternoon tea somewhere pretty Watch 30 movies from the 80’s Read all the Harry Potter books with Jasmine Go camping with the kids See at least one more stand up show Make cocktails at home Visit Stonehenge Have lunch in a really lovely old pub See a play at the Globe Theatre Complete five …

Birthday Wishlist

I am a big kid when it comes to birthdays and like to make a fuss of my own, and everyone else’s. This year, there are several things I would like – some for practical reasons and some because I just really want them.  Pyjamas from M&S – a bit of a boring one to start off with, but there is something about new pyjamas that makes me genuinely happy!  Laptop – I’ve got on quite well with a tablet and an iPhone for a while now but, having started a course at college and a degree with the Open University, a laptop is fast becoming an essential piece of kit that is missing from my new student life. Bag – starting college has made me want a new bag and I absolutely love this one from Radley. I’m a big fan of the colour – it always puts me in mind of autumn, which is my favourite season, largely due to the crisp weather and gorgeous colours. John Bishop tickets – any excuse to see the gorgeous Mr. Bishop! …